An Almighty Mess
by GeniaTheParadox
Summary: In which Kurt and Blaine very nearly almost break up.


This fic is so random and angsty. Don't ask me where it came from. I'll be the last to know.  
>This is the only way I can imagine Klaine ever having any kind of heartbreaking drama, and this would probably be the only near-miss they would ever have. In my head, they're not the kind of couple that breaks up every five minutes. They're not Finchel.<p>

Anyway, review me if you feel like it.

And I don't own Glee. I know, it's a crying shame.

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><p><strong>An Almighty Mess<strong>

I sat on the couch in my living room, staring at the television screen but completely unaware of what was on. I was home alone, which I was thankful of. I was sick of Dad and Carole and Finn asking if I was okay, or looking at me cautiously, as if I might burst into tears at any moment. The questions were the worst though. How was I supposed to answer a question like "Are you alright?" Oh, you know, my life is over and it feels like someone's just stabbed me in the heart with a rusty screwdriver, but other than that I'm just peachy! And I know that when I just say I'm fine they don't believe me. I can't win.

So I was glad that no one was home. It gave me a chance to wallow in the almighty mess I'd made without interruption. I'd finally stopped crying – I was in nonstop tears for three solid hours after it had happened and I'd actually cried myself _awake_ last night, which I didn't even think was possible – but now I just felt kind of numb, and somehow that felt worse. It was like I had run out of tears, even though there was an electrical storm of emotions going on inside me. I wanted to cry and scream and throw things, but all I could do was sit in silence on the couch and stare at an old episode of _Friends_ without seeing it.

God, I felt like an idiot. For the first time in what felt like forever I was truly happy, and I'd managed to screw it up. Blaine was the best thing that had ever happened to me, but now I'm sure he'll hate him forever. It had taken so long for us to finally get it together and I'd managed to destroy it all in the space of one day. Blaine hadn't spoken to me all weekend, and I was dreading school on Monday. It had been so perfect having Blaine at McKinley with me, but now it was just going to be hell.

It was all Karofsky's fault, of course. Karofsky was the one who had kissed me again, that moron. And then Blaine had seen, he'd gotten the wrong idea and now... now everything was over. And it wasn't like I'd kissed Karofsky back! Blaine was just being unreasonable and stubborn and jealous and... oh, I can't even stay mad at him in my head. I love him way too much, and if I was in his place I'd hate me too. I'd never want to even look at me again. Oh God, school tomorrow was going to be so terrible...

I heard the doorbell ring but I didn't have the energy to get up. Finn had probably forgotten his keys for the millionth time. The doorbell rang again, more urgently this time. Okay, maybe it was Mercedes coming to restore some of my will to live. I slowly got off the couch and made my way to the front door as the bell rang a third time.

"I'm coming, I'm coming..."

My heart stopped when I opened the door. There he was, Blaine, just standing there right in front of me, as dreamy as ever. I was suddenly very aware of how blotchy my skin must look, and how messy my hair must be, and how hideous my sloppy jeans and t-shirt were. He could've given me some warning before just showing up...

"Blaine," I said. "What are you doing here?"

He looked awkwardly down at his feet. "I needed to talk to you. I would've called, but I wanted it to be face to face. May I, erm... may I come in?"

I moved aside so he could come inside, and I led him to the living room. I switched the TV off as we sat down, a reasonable distance away from each other. The silence dragged on for several drawn out seconds that felt more like days, before I finally had to break the silence.

"I'm really sorry, Blaine."

He still wasn't looking at me, just frowning down at his hands.

"I _want_ to believe that you're sorry," he said quietly. "I'm hearing you apologise, but in my head I'm still seeing you kiss him."

"He kissed me!" I insisted.

"Really?" he sneered, glaring at his hands

"Yes! And I pushed him away! Blaine, please..."

All those tears I thought I'd cried out were suddenly burning my eyes, but crying would only make me seem even more needy and pathetic.

"I feel like I can't trust you anymore, Kurt," he said, still not looking at me. "Not when you're anywhere near him. How do I know you won't do something like this again?"

"Blaine, you can trust me," I stressed. "I don't have any feelings for him whatsoever. Seriously, I don't feel _anything_ for him. We were just talking, and he was apologising to me again, and then all of a sudden he was kissing me. It was just like the first time all over again. He kind of grabbed me before I even realised what was going on. I swear, Blaine, it didn't mean anything."

He didn't say anything and he still wasn't looking at me. He looked as if he was about to cry but he was using a hell of a lot of strength to hold it all in. He always hated crying in front of me.

"Okay, so it didn't mean anything for you," he whispered. "But what about him? What if he tries it again? I wouldn't put it past that bastard. He'd love to break us up and I... I just don't want to lose you... especially to _him_."

I shifted a little closer to him, nervously resting my hand on his arm. He didn't move. He didn't look at me.

"You're not going to lose me," I said softly. "And you're especially not going to lose me to Dave Karofsky. He may have feelings for me, but they're certainly not mutual."

He didn't say anything. It was impossible to tell whether he believed me or not.

"I know if I was in your place I'd hate my guts," I said, my eyes welling up. "And I understand if you never want to see me again and I promise that I'll accept your decision if you do. I won't try and stop you from leaving me and going back to Dalton or whatever. But you have to understand... it's you I love, Blaine, _you, _and no one else."

My tears finally escaped before I could stop them. I was shaking with fear; fear that this was it, the end, I'd ruined everything and he'd never trust me again. I took my trembling hand away from his arm to wipe my tears off my cheeks. I couldn't even breath, I was so scared. I nearly jumped out of my skin when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned my head to see Blaine finally looking at me, tears sparkling in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Kurt," he said.

I was really panicking now. What kind of sorry was that? Was it an 'I'm sorry, but I have to break up with you and never see you again' kind of sorry, or... what?

"I'm sorry for what I said earlier," he added.

"W-why are you apologising?" I said, calming down slightly. "You didn't do anything wrong."

"Yes, I did," he said. "I let my own jealousy and insecurity get the better of me. It's just... seeing you with him just made me so angry. It was like a punch in the stomach. It was like he was stealing you away, which sounds so horribly possessive, I know. And then it all warped in my head so that soon I was blaming you just as much as him. I just felt so inadequate, like I'd done something wrong, like you'd rather be with him than me..."

I scoffed, wiping the tears off my face. "Don't be ridiculous, Blaine. I'd never choose him over you. I'd never choose anyone over you."

He impatiently wiped the tears out of his eyes before they could fall, his hand still gripping my shoulder as if he was afraid I was going to vanish into thin air any second now.

"I guess we've both made a mess of things, huh?" he said with a humourless chuckle.

I smiled a little bit. It was the first time I'd smiled all weekend.

"I tried to hate you, you know," I said quietly. "I tried to tell myself that you were just being jealous and unreasonable. I tried to convince myself that you were being an ass for not letting me tell you my side of the story. But I couldn't stay mad at you. I was the one that messed everything up. You didn't do anything wrong."

He wiped his eyes roughly again, taking a few shaky breaths and still clinging onto my shoulder like I was the only thing stopping him from drowning.

"I can't believe I almost lost you," he said, sounding strained. "I believe I nearly let you go over _this_. It made sense when I was blinded with rage. Your problems with Karofsky are what brought us together, so obviously he would be the reason to tear us apart too. I was so angry that I nearly let it ruin the best thing that had ever happened to me. I hope you don't think I'm being melodramatic or anything, but I was miserable before you came into my life. I was so angry seeing you with him because I need you, Kurt."

He finally let go of my shoulder, which was a relief as his grip was starting to hurt. He clasped his hands together and stared down at the floor, looking ashamed of himself. I moved even closer to him, curling an arm around his waist and resting my head on his shoulder. He remained stiff at first, but soon he relaxed into me, resting his hand on my thigh.

"You haven't lost me," I said gently. "I'm not going anywhere."

I heard him sniff and felt him breath shakily, and I knew he had finally given in to his tears. I held him a little tighter.

"It's going to take a lot more than an idiot like Dave Karofsky to mess up what we have, Blaine."

I sat up to look at him, whipping the tears off his cheek – scruffy from the few days of being too upset to shave – and he leaned into my touch with a sweet little smile. When Blaine and I had first, _finally_ gotten together it never crossed my mind that he could possibly feel insecure in the relationship. I mean, what did he have to worry about? It wasn't as if I'd ever meet anyone as perfect for me as he was, so obviously I wasn't going to mess this up. But apparently he was just as terrified that I'd leave him as I was of him leaving me.

"I love you so much, Kurt," he whispered.

I kissed him softly on the lips. "I love you too." I kissed him again. "I always have." And again. "And I always will."

It's a strangely gratifying feeling knowing that someone needs you, genuinely _needs_ you. It's an odd kind of wonderful knowing that someone can't bear to live without you, no matter what almighty mess you think you've made. It's nice to feel wanted, but it's better to feel needed. That was the difference between Karofsky and Blaine. Karofsky wanted me, even if he hated to admit it to himself so much as to treat me like garbage for so long. But he still wanted me. Blaine, on the other hand, needed me. He needed me in order to feel happy and whole, he needed to know that I loved him just as much as he loved me. And that need made all the difference, because I didn't want Karofsky but I certainly needed Blaine.

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><p>Hope you enjoyed the Romangst, Humble Readers.<br>Haven't used that word in a while...

xxx


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